Inspire Me…

I actually Googled “How to be inspired”.  To say I got an interesting variety of horsesh!t would be an understatement.  Everyone claiming to know the ins and outs of Inspiration.  Well don’t look at me.  Simply as a human I’ve had moments of inspiration, as a mother, as a friend, a wife, a woman and even as an artist.  They give you “the 5 steps to being inspired every day…”  ”How to get inspired…” “How to become INSPIRED…” Everyone knows that if you put it in capital letters it means it is more important, more earnest, more truth.

I think that inspiration, true inspiration has to come from within.  The spark of that inspiration can come from anything, there are no limits.  It could be by simply varying your daily routine, stopping to talk to someone you’ve don’t know, or asking a outrageous question to someone you thought you knew so well. It could be from stubbing your toe — even creative language counts.  I’ve hear some awe inspiring successions of curses when someone is emotionally compromised weather it is the coffee table or road rage.  I believe I’ve had a few of those inspiring moments often once the initial inspiration is over it has ended in laughter for me.  Which is always inspiring.  You see what I mean.  Inspiration is in the moment.

Although this is something that is with us every second of every day it is extremely [you know when you say extreme it is the hardest -- lol] … it is extremely easy to loose sight of that inspiration when doing the daily grind, or when stress or health overwhelm you.  I seem to have fallen in this rut.  I call it a rut because that is just what it is, a grove that has been worn by time into the road that you are journeying on. Wow that was almost poetic.

Illness sucks.  Chronic Illness blows.  Once when I opened my eyes it felt as if the force of my passion and inspiration was there waiting for me and everything was in the way until the moment I could grab it and put it on paper, canvas — anything that would stay still long enough for me to scribble, doodle or draw on.  Now when even before my eyes are open the first sensation I feel is pain.

Pain can inspire but carting it around with you with every cell is daunting.  Upon waking I have to take stock on how my body is working — or if it is working — there are days where taking my arm and nudging my husband is all I can do.  No speaking no moving no anything.  I literally shake my head and he knows.  He brings me my cell so I can text my boss… that I won’t be in.  I also have a very understanding boss, the day they offered me the job I explained my medical conditions.  There are a few  but the Fibromyaglia is the one that is the most overwhelming.  I was lucky and she had a passing knowledge on Fibromyalgia because she has a friend with it.  She was concerned but taking the job at a bit of a pay grade less than I am worth got me in.  I’ve only called in maybe a handful of times like that and again I am fortunate that I can work via remote. Which means that after the meds [pain killers] kick in I can sit at my computer and work from home.

Usually it takes a few minutes to move – more a grin and bare it instead of any real heroic effort.  I have mastered the art of stretching in bed without waking the hubby. Although I have fallen asleep in a yoga pose … that’s funny to jerk awake in some sort of contorted position, disoriented and usually an appendage is now numb to add to the fun. I have a heck of a commute to the gym, I roll of the bed to the floor.  After a few stretches and a little more of my dad in my head [he was a Marine Drill Instructor] saying “insert any funny raunchy inappropriate drill instructor quote from any movie here’ – yep that’s my dad. Or maybe my mom, who was raised by a single mom during WWII in the middle of the nowhere South — yep no whimpy quotes come to mind.  And its off to start my day.

See you can be inspired by a string of creative language.  So you think this is taking forever, its not even 7am yet.  This is my block… this is what hindering me.  I was a faithful blogger for some years then life naturally got in the way.  If that stops then the whole possibility of blogging is kind of a moot point don’t you think? Anyway, I push myself and struggle  through the day — yeah can’t take my ‘real’ meds at work  they make me really blonde… like an etch-a-sketch with broken handles.  It’s part ignore it, part mind over matter and part no choice grin and bare it.  My job isn’t helping, its more technical than creative so there really isn’t any inspiration happening there.  Might be the constant hum that I feel from concentrating so hard on what I am doing so that I am not feeling the sharp, dull, hot, cold edge of pain, but I could be wrong.

I digress… I am wandering to much through my running commentary.  My intention was to start to inpsire myself.  I’ve started a new painting.  Even going so far as to post the ‘work in progress’ in a group I opened on facebook, inviting a few artists I feel impressed by to join and share some feedback on the work.  Basically I am going to attempt to jump start my own inspiration again.  Hopefully, I will post regularly and maybe between the two I will by guilt or mere routine inspire myself.

If you have actually read this entire post you are nuts and I like you so leave a comment and share with me.  Who knows you may cause some inspiration.